Become (I writed it :] )

I bleed from the fall cause I fell again, why do I bleed? Is it my sin? Who I'm not has me beaten but who I am doesn't lose. Why is this the path I always choose? I want to be free and give all that I got so I have say goodbye to who I am and hello to who I am not,Who i am leaves me broken abandoned and lost but who im not shows great gain at this valuable cost, ill have to say goodbye to family and friends because ill be a new man when this transformation ends, i will kill who i am slowly without pause but this time ill be killing with legitimate cause,i will be reborn and learn how to feel, what God created around me is real, who knows where i am now who knows where ill be, but by his grace ill be set free. we need to discover dear who we really are if we ever want to get anywhere not near but far. im probably just talking to myself again, but here God sits with me holding my hand.My slate is clean my mind anew, but where do i go? what do i do? I have to trust now with all my heart that God will provide me with what i need to start. Baby steps as i was told once as my mentor has said, i hear the words crisp they echo in my head, give him my body my mind my heart and my soul, i realize now only he fills the hole,im physically drained and emotionally spent but yet somehow i feel content, he will provide me with what i need lest i put aside my coquettish greed. get rid of these shackles this balls and chains, let your love pour over me just like the rain. who i was was lost who i am now is found, here i come world im making the rounds,but remember the only way to get where i got, is to leave what i was and become what i was not.

--ZRWR

Projections

This is kinda fun.

Welcome class sit down in your chair your about to get schooled. Hold your breathe while i make us all look like foold. now teach what you teach and ill hear your speech but now its my time to rise up and preach the gospel of the Lord this aint no stupid forward text on your phone you receive when your alone this is for real not fake like the way I feel. i fill myself with hate but its so irate that i find myself stuck from date to date i procrastinate subdued by my fate my pace is so slow i cant even breathe i need you to listen to my plea. Just trust in God and give him your life because lucky for us he came through that night when he sat in the garden and he saw it comin' if it was any one of us you bet wed be runnin' we couldnt bear the weight of that cruel beatin' lucky they didnt have shotguns cause they best be skeetin' and im not makin this up so dont think your tough when you call my bluff because you sit there with all your fluff and your petty excuse that this cant be true just look and ask yourself why is the sky blue? why do i believe in wind because i can feel it? if you cant see the wind how is it real then? because its a feelin' just like the grace so dont waste your brainspace with the worlds disgrace when you can fill up Love sent from Christ above i always had a woken with a whole in my heart a short story that will go from end to start where i die a man of God honored and trusted but in the begininning i was a soul that was rusted i was young and naive to cool to believe when everynight i thought why does my heart bleed? when i reflected back on that night i saw avatar and i say that pandora place that was so far. you may think its silly but its right on time which is why i rhyme with that tought in mind when you look at how they live the people called "Navi" and we sit and wonder why Daddy left Mommy take a lesson boys and girls pull out your pen maybe we need to break ourselves to start over again because as the saying goes if it aint broke dont fix it well lets turn it around and shatter it to begin with. this is a new year some call it a fresh start but how is it fresh when you have the same heart? its nothing new and you know its not because you know you wont give it everything youve got' your resolutions are plished up ideals that you think are real and you just want to feel like theyll work out but it wont matter because when in doubt youll revert to your old ways like a coquettish girl plays a sad melody of regret is all youll have left so just trust me when i say its in your chest the love of Christ Jesus who descends and frees us please pick up the bible and read a verse i know it sounds obsured but ive wanted to preach this plea since birth. if you want to make me happy dont sit there and pat me dont read this and think that your clap clapping will make a difference because inside your ignorant just pick up and read some ask him to direct and he will project what matter most in your life at that time just trust me why else woukld i make this rhyme?

Grow Up

Just got inspired i guess.

Look at me kid,tell me what you did you thought that was cool? you just a skid mark when its all damp and dark dont know where that brain of yours should park. When you step in my shoes and you sing the blues dont runaway like you always do. If your scared just ask why spit slow when you can spit fast take your loser attitude back out to the trash cause im tired of looking at your sorry face your wasting my space and cloggin up the brains pace you making it all cloudy filled with hate so just terminate yourself and walk away. Im through today when you not a loser hey hit me up and maybe the big kids will play. but it aint my place to judge looks like you got luck because if it werent for God you best be ducking because id be trucking running you over like you aint got nothing because you sit and laugh and you dont care when you sit there in your nasty chair nad breathe your contaminated air you think your fair but really your not because now that chairs really all that you got. a place to sit back and reflect too bad you couldnt sit back and regret because you walk all bad with your chest puffed out like when in doubt try to beat it out you use and abuse and you just hang loose when reeally your just another dumbstruck goose dont know what to do just like a child left alone in the wild and i sit and watch back from a distance of 10 miles. why 10 you ask because its significant ten is the difference between me and ignorance but you lack the discernment to make the choice you playing with foolishness like its a toy ill talk you later when you aint just another stupid boy.

Move

so i heard this new song "move" by Thousand foot krutch and its really been fueling my faith. i have no idea why but imm back into the bible and it feels good. i had a solid day at kenedy working on some shoulders and a little biceps. ran around playing handball with mikey mike and really comntemplating getting a membership there. Have to call phoenix soon to see whats up with them. :) ive been stressing about alot but lets just pray for that. need to actually start working for some goals nows the best time to start right? sure i miws her but im sure things will work themself out i just need to wise up a bit and Proverbs is doing that for me right now :) score one for Jesus! also MW2 has been pretty sick :)

Slow And Steady Wins The Race

so today was a slightly good day. Not bad to say the least. hung out with Ryan "McRowen" and Hannah Basham/family. shared a few good laughs and then watched Transformers 2 with My papa. got home looked at some online colleges and possible routes for my life. Need a good paying job much? haha. Off to bed to get up for work tomorrow. hooray!

I Know We Got It Good But They Got It Made

Im going to somewhat begin to blog daily just to see if anyone pays attention really. So comment away!....Not. anyhow Life is an interesting rollercoaster of a time. i wanted to join the marines for a while but my recruiter but he was kind of a jerk. Just didnt really explain the corps really well and was very unprofessional. Yay military robots! I want to pursue some sort of life but i dont really know where to begin it. I have general ideas and good advice from great people but just very hard to be self motivated. Like a stubborn mule. Sometimes i would love to just win the lottery but dont we all! Hooray for being 18 and a loser right? HAH. so struggles with God are consistant as the stars in the sky and I've been somewaht neglectful lately but i feel kind of ok at sometimes which is usually due to high levels of caffeine and low attention spans. As always! I've contemplated moving in with mikey come december but who knwos whats to come in my unexpected twisted day to day life. I work part time at a candy shop so i suppose thats somewhat positive. Its sort of like my false hope that the future will be cool when i get that next paycheck. So immature of me. GROW UP! shit. so many things in my life to manage yet there are really not. we'll see what is and is to come.

I Guess This Is Growing Up.

So I'm 18 and well on my way to nowhere, or so it seems. No I'm not just feeling sorry for myself I'm jut struggling with my family vs. My faith. I had two jobs and quit one because of overschedulin and although it was the better of the two the lesser hour Job is a bit more flexible to fit in a second job granted I find one. I'm tired of my family harassing me about every little thing like calling me an idiot and cracking jokes about he fact that I quit albertsons. I hate when they do things like that. It's all I ever hear because that's how my family communicates is through harassment. I want to get out but to where? Truly is the question. I want to be on yl staff but how? With what support? I guess this is growing up.

Show Me What I'm Looking For

well being out of school has taken its toll. i mostly do nothing besides sleep and go to work. im getting ready to go to woodleaf this upcoming sunday for my last time as a camper. then i go for all of august as a work crew member. i really hope i recenter my life around good like i should. i dont know what my career is but i might join the marines. i hope i really hear gods direction this summer. i also hope god helps me and hannah refocus on him rather than each other. i need alot of jesus these days. im confused and do nothing about it. just feel like im stuck and all i do is sing Carolina Liar's song over and over again. >>>???????

Let's Keep These Teen Hearts Beating Faster Faster

proms coming up and im so excited to see hannah in her new dress! She'll be so gorgeous....i can't wait! i really wish i could have one whole day with her from sunrise to sunset(or at least most of a day with her) where its just us...i often dream about just being with her for a whole day beginning outside playing catch with her softball then going in the pool for a swim and grabbing a picnic-like lunch then coming in to snuggle and watch movies....golly that would be great.

Touchdown Turnaround

so im finally realizing that i need to get working on my future...not so much my future in general but my future with God...the big man upstairs...ive been kinda neglecting him lately...well not really neglecting just not tuning into his station as often if you catch my drift..hannah kinda reminded me that i should trust in God and listen to him more often..i do need to do so but help is needed in some areas...she also mentioned she thinks im in the way of her and Jesus...it kinda hurt but i could see where shes coming from so i dont know what that means for us just yet...i really hope it doesnt mean an ending...i want to start fresh with her and with God i just dont know if ill get that lucky though

All's Well That End's Well

well i recently lost a pretty good friend of mine due to our selflishness and miscommunications. Great guy and all just didnt quite catch everything i threw at him and vice versa...ive realized that losing a friend can actually be tough and its a saddening thing watching other people have to be the "middle men". didnt want to have to put anyone through that but i guess i am. had an interesting thursday. got most of my electronics back to working action and quite satisfied...spent the day with jason applying for jobs and planning my friday...argued with hannah to end the night after younglife...the day was average with a low ending mostly...

Slow And Steady Wins The Race

So far this spring break has exposed me to many a thought. (tickle tickle time spinynerd.... send me a pic! little tickle/// hello you im zack and I like to tickle. tickle time..... COD tickle 4 zack likes boys and tickeling
). Anyways that was Ryan McClelland. This spring break has been slightly depressing and so far lazy. I havent accomplished much besides get my CA I.D and a new social security card. I might be losing a few friends over this break which is saddening but things happen. I got to see my best friend joseph and that experience was a fun one. My girlfriend is off to L.A. for the week so i wont really have anyone to hang out with. I hope things clear up. I need to get my life started soon i only got 8 weeks left. I really hope summer isnt like this spring break. Maybe ill have friends who dont ditch me. but who am i to whine about it. whining shows immaturity but the act of it sometimes helps alleviate the stress and aggravation that this situation brings.

What The Fork?

So RACHEL ENCHILADA came up saturday! Tyler was being his usual grumpy self and decided to sleep so her mikey and I went and got the Blakes :)It was an amazing way to kick off spring break! Happy Easter :)

Sun Rise Sun Set

so today i got to spend time with hannah which was good as usual and i signed up for a gym membership which im pretty stoked about...sounds like a pretty cool day but not for the most...my parents got home and as perverbeal as the sun rising everyday they argued...again...im stuck in this rut really...i know god can help and i want him to but its hard...i dont really have the means to help myself or at least i havent noticed it yet....

Let This Be Not Of Our Hands

haven't wrote a blog in a while eh?
how i feel...i dont knwo what to feel really...im glad to be seeing joseph this weekend...hes really my best buddy who i can tell anything to...i love that guy...i can be so real with him too...so ive been working for god with youth groups and all but thats not really enough...i really want to know what my calling is...im excited to be receiving me birth certificate and social soon so i can snag a job to save money...but for what? the future is full of only god knows what...literally...im nervous....scared...i dont think of myself too highly so i dont think ill have that succesfful of a future...im hoping work crew helps solve those issues...

With You

This Reminds me of Hannah and I

Maybe In A Different Light...

What am I? Do I matter? things we all often ask ourselves right? when life kicks us down we get scared...do you disagree? Life brings hardships and we have to deal with them. i will say this once and once only. Life is tough, life is not fair, life does not wait. Life will tear you apart from the inside out if your not careful. I can only relay a message i was told. God is there for you whether you believe it or not. He may not make your life better at the drop of a hat but just following what he has to offer will improve your life greatly. Take me for an example. My life for the longest time went nowhere but i found God my freshman year and ever since then have hastily walked with God and have grown deep into youth ministry even having high hopes of possibly being a youth pastor one day. I have an amazing family. You do too i promise. Whether its your family at home or your brothers and sisters in Christ. if noone is there for you God is and i vow to be as well. God helps us all. I have encountered an amazing girl i would never think to find in this lifetime. her name is Hannah Basham and her love for me has spun my world around. I never though it was possible for a loser like me to get such a great girlfriend. Theres hope for everyone out there. I can promise that if you believe in God things will end up being just fine :) Life is life but we have life eternal in heaven. Please if you have something you want to talk about let me know. im here for anyone any age anywhere. to Hannah&Family Thank You.I Love You...

Kindergarten

im just a kid here to tell a story, im not here for the title nor am i here for the glory,not in it for the money fortune or fame, i dont even expect you to remember my name, im just here to share a chapter in this book called life and how it can be ripped from your grasp in just one night,how there are thoughts and things that get in your minds, they tear you up eating at your insides,theyre like a sick infection beneath your skin, you want it out but you cant help to let it back in, it can be a habit an addiction or friends, no matter what the case the carousel never ends, its sick and its twisted but it dont care, itll suck your life out till theres nothing there,youll grasp for air pull out your hair as your lyin there tryn to grin and bear thinkin is god really there?, your all alone in a dim lit home thinkin if your the only one left on this globe, askin questions youll never figure out,frustrated overwhelmed wanna scream and shout, you start to pout hopin you can cry it out, when your finished all thats left is to die it out, your stuck with what you got you fell from the top youve been forgot like an old car in an abandoned lot, you put up big signs say your lifes for sale, you lost it all and guess what you cant do well, forget your talent you stuck at rock bottom, just like the rest but have you all forgotten, its time to rise up man show them yo stuff, make them regret never thinkin to bring you up,show them you belong too, if i can so can you, make your story heard spread the word, make it big just like they never thought you did, but dont forget this story came from a kid

A Wonderfully Poor Vocabulary :)

Once upon a time is how we wish it would be, where life is a fairytale and everything is free, livin in a time where everything is right, the world dont fight, its nice day and night, but thats not how it goes we gotta stand up tall, embrace ourselves and get ready for the fall, expect the unexpected, direct the undirected, were livin in a world chalk full of lies, and we gotta dream and just hope to get by, where the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor, we gotta pray for oppurtunity to knock on the door, and theres an aura in the air that just stays there and its just not fair how nobody cares, because this place we live in just loves to hate, push you around and discriminate, tell you its them that controls your fate, but wait its not too late there is one last hope and this one wont fail, you can be in a church or in the county jail, wherever your heart lies your problems will be solved, youll notice that your anxiety will soon dissolve, all i ask from you is to do a favor for me, just say "I Believe Christ Died For Me", i know it sounds fishy itll start off slow, but you have to let it set,fertilize, and grow, things might click and others may not, but its up to you to give all that you got.

No, Not Physical Eduaction But I'm Still Gettin' A Workout

This weekend was amazing...i cant thank anyone enough...friday was fun and saturday started off slow....my mom and sister got baptised :) and i visited with my nana and papa :) hadnt seen them in a while...went to Janays! saw Lippy and her bf Sawyer...guy was so nervous lol...then i went and had a nice dinner with my family as well as the ROSE family! Chris was sick so i was sad :( had a fun night with justin and tyler and just shot the bull all night...(means to just kick around and talk)...got up and spent some quality time with none other then the most beautiful girl in the world...Mrs. Basham :) watched Juno and Mammia Mia all cuddled on my couch :) i got to kiss her again and it felt so amazing :) i felt as if i could fly! isn't it wonderful to be a teen in love? now about 80% of those who read this doubt our love...but if she's feeling like im feeling we'll beat all odds and last for pretty much forever:) so suck it up :) i LOVE her,her family,everyone :) loving this natural high :) yay Jesus! and heck yes for Hellogoodbye! (she said kissing me was like kissing for the first time all over again with the butterflies and all O.O) "I'm So Excited!" (P.E!) no not physical education....the title for a movie! :) damn im feeling swell :P